| Sorscédulák-antológia: Székely Júlia |
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Nagyapám tévedett
Amikor a trónörököst megölték, Gyurika hároméves volt. Én sem voltam sokkal idősebb, de nagyapa öreg volt már, titokban meg kellett nyugodnom Isten akaratában, hogy meg fog halni. Nem lehet tenni semmit, nagypapa is meghal, mint Feri bácsi s még sok öreg, hiába, az öregek meghalnak, ez a dolguk.
Gyurika véleménye a halálról másként alakult, szerinte csak a rossz emberek halnak meg, a jók, akik reggel-este fogat mosnak, azok nem. A trónörökös sajnos nem tartozott ezek közé, s lám, most itt a baj, meg van halva.
Sejtettük, hogy ezzel a trónörökössel elkezdődött valami, hiszen nagypapa is kijelentette, hogy ebből nagy ramazuri lesz. Gyurika meg én derült érdeklődéssel vártuk a ramazurit, mert úgyis unatkoztunk. Történni fog valami, és ez szórakoztató lesz, még ha nem is lehet tőle várni semmi jót. Gyurika például biztosra vette, hogy a trónörökös az oka a sok spenótnak, amit belékényszerítettek a mostoha körülmények, én is összefüggést láttam a világesemények és a tény között, hogy egy doktor bácsi szemüveget kényszerített az orromra, s az elcsúfította arcomat, amely így, ellentétben Gyurikáéval, nem hasonlított az angyalokéhoz.
Szóval a dolog elkezdődött.
Hogy mi kezdődött el, azt nem lehetett sejteni, nálunk idősebbek sem tudták, legföljebb nagypapa gyanított valamit. De hát nagypapa öreg volt, tudhatta.
Ami az öregséget illeti, ha egy kicsit utánagondolok, kiszámíthatom, hogy nagyapám abban az időben fiatalabb volt, mint én most, midőn e sorokat írom. De ha elképzelem, hogy nemsokára nekem is meg kell halnom, képtelen vagyok megnyugodni Isten akaratában. (...)
— Éljen a háború! - harsogták mámoros torokkal az emberek végig az egész Hermina úton. - Éljen a háború!
— Nagypapa, ki az a hábolú? - kérdezte Gyurika.
— Senki - felelte nagypapa rosszkedvűen.
— Éljen a senki? - faggatózott tovább a gyerek.
— Buta vagy - nagyképűsködtem Öcsivel minden jogalap nélkül, mert hiszen nemcsak Gyurika, magam sem értettem, miről van szó. Ha az ember nem tud valamit megmagyarázni, legcélszerűbb egy gorombasággal elütni a dolgot.
Az emberek kiabáltak, éljeneztek, dülöngéltek a Hermina úton, kíváncsian bámultuk őket a kertkapuból.
Nemcsak mi laktunk a Hermina úton, hanem lakott ott egy gróf is. Nevét nem tudtuk, foglalkozását sem, bár a felnőttek között gyakran hangzott el ez a hosszú szó: miniszterelnök. A szó majdnem olyan hosszú, mint a tüszős mandulagyulladás, gondoltam, ez is olyasvalami. Lestem, mikor és kinek a nyakára kerül hidegvizes priznic. De aztán hallottam, hogy a gróf, az egy magas, szemüveges ember, és hogy valami Roheim-villában lakik nem messze tőlünk.
Mindenki erről a grófról beszélt, és észre lehetett venni, hogy nagypapa, nem tudni, miért, fél ettől a gróftól. Ez a
körülmény még Gyurika figyelmét sem kerülte el, emlékszem egy megjegyzésére, amiből erre lehet következtetni. Ez akkor történt, amikor nem akarta megenni az ebédjét, s nagypapa rászólt:
- Ha nem eszel rendesen, elvisz téged a mumus.
- Téged meg elvisz a glóf a loheim villába - felelte a gyerek.
Hogy aztán kit vitt el a gróf és hová, azt nem lehetett tudni. Ez már történelmi lecke volna, nem egy hároméves kisfiú, hanem a felnőttek tanultak belőle, ha nem is eleget. (...)
Nagyapám táncolt. Ősztől tavaszig, tanévnyitástól tanévzárásig táncolt, könnyedén, kecsesen, boldogan, többnyire háromnegyedes ütemben. Így telt az idő szeptembertől májusig. Májusban aztán a tánciskolát bezárták az Erzsébet körúti lakással együtt. A nyári hónapokra elköltöztek mind a négyen a Hermina útra. Négyen voltak mindössze, mert hol voltam akkor még én? Hol volt Gyurika? Apám is csak mint a tánciskola egyik jeles növendéke bukkant fel olykor az Erzsébet körúti tanintézetben, nem is sejtve, hogy egyszer még ő is belekerül ebbe a családi albumba mint avisszaemlékezés egyik szereplője.
A Hermina úti telket nagyanyám Róza nénitől örökölte. Apró, földszintes ház, előtte kert. Nem nagy érték az egész, de ami vonzóvá tette, az a szomszédság volt. A szomszédos telken ugyanis megnyílt az Angolpark. Nagy volt a jövés-menés, rengeteg ember töltötte itt vasárnapját, kora reggeltől késő éjszakáig. Szólt a zene, nem is egyetlen zenekar, és nem is különböző időben. Volt itt katonazenekar, cigányzenekar, sramlizenekar, de főleg verklizene, ez még hétköznapokon is szólt.
Az Angolparkot villamossal és omnibusszal lehetett megközelíteni, de volt, aki gumirádlin érkezett, fiákeren vagy kétfogatún, mint például a gróf, aki azonban nem az Angolparknál kötött ki, hanem a Roheim-villa előtt, körülbelül kétszáz méterrel odébb.
Erről a grófról sok szó esett később, amikor már én is részt vettem a Hermina úti közéletben. „A gróf a Roheim-villában" - emlegette nagyapám a környék legelőkelőbb lakóját nem kis tisztelettel, bár eleinte még nem félt tőle annyira. Közelébe sohasem merészkedett. A gróf soha nem állt szóba senkivel. Nagyapám is inkább az Angolpark dolgozói iránt érzett vonzalmat. (...)
Nagyon büszke voltam Mihály barátságára. Vonzalmunk kölcsönös volt, ezt mindenki tudta. Ha valaki Mihály protekcióját vette igénybe, mindent elérhetett nálam, még azt is, hogy ellenkezés nélkül nyeljem a csukamájolajat. Rajtam kívül senkit nem tegezett Mihály, még a lovakat sem. Pedig azokat is szerette, ha nem is annyira, mint engem meg Julcsát, a dadust. Julcsa az én szárazdadám volt, később Gyurikáé. Most mindkettőnkre vigyázott, de főleg Mihállyal foglalkozott, pedig az nem tegezte őt vissza.
Hétköznap délutánonként, ha ideje engedte, Mihály kártyázott velem a kertben. Noha alig tudtam megkülönböztetni a piros hetest a kilencestől, mégis mindig nyertem. Gyurika többnyire kibicelt, s azt híresztelte, azért nyerek, mert hamisan játszom. De Julcsa ellenvéleményt nyilvánított, szerinte Mihály csalt, hogy én nyerhessek. Én magam akkor azt hittem, szerencsém van a játékban. Betartottam a játékszabályokat, szigorúan, pontosan, mégis nyertem. Mihály volt az egyetlen férfi életemben, aki azért csalt, hogy én nyerjek, csakis így lehet az embernek szerencséje, annak ellenére, hogy betartja a játékszabályokat.
Bizonyosnak látszott, hogy a világ sorsa jó kezekben yan, amikor a férfiak kezében van, minden úgy van jól, ahogyan van. Örültem, hogy sorsomat és a világ sorsát férfiak igazítják, meg voltam elégedve. De hát persze akkor meg élt a nagyapám, és én Mihályba voltam szerelmes.
Minden Mihály körül forgott, őérte volt a nyár, a madarak, a csirkék, a fák, a Julcsa, én, az egész világ.
Napbarnított arca volt, haja világosabb arcánál. Gyurika haja ugyanilyen volt, de arca majdnem fehér. Mindkettőjük aranyhaja nagyon tetszett nekem. Mihályé olykor arcába hullott, félig eltakarta azt. Julcsának ez nem tetszett, kezének egy határozott mozdulatával kiseperte ezt a sok hajat Mihály homlokából. Nem is tudom, miért utáltam ilyenkor a Julcsát.
- Nagyapa, mi az a feleségül vevés ? - kérdeztem egy délben az asztalnál, ahol arról volt szó, hogy Mihálynak feleségül kell vennie a Julcsát, mielőtt bevonul.
- Majd megtudod - felelte nagyapám kitérőén, és én már meg sem mertem kérdezni, mi az a bevonulás, pedig azt sem tudtam.
A Hermina úton már senki sem éltette a háborút. Késő ősz volt, hideg, majdnem tél, és mi még mindig nem költöztünk be a városba. Ennek én csak örültem, mert itt legalább egy házban laktunk Mihállyal, s ha nem is a kertben, de a fűtött konyhában minden délután kártyáztunk. (...)
Egy reggel nagyapám az udvaron szaladgáló csirkékre mutatott.
- Hatot vágj le belőlük, ebédre rántsd ki őket - utasította nagymamát. Aztán ő maga fogta kocsi elé a lovat, fölült a bakra, és a főülésre Mihályt meg Julcsát ültette. Mindketten ünneplő ruhát viseltek, kezükben a kertből összeszedett virágokat szorongatták. Nagyapám ünneplő ruhája gomblyukában is virág ékeskedett, így ült a bakon, így vonult be Mihállyal meg Julcsával a városba.
Engem nem vittek magukkal, de mire hazajöttek, megvolt a feleségül vevés.
Kissé rosszkedvűen fogadtam őket, de azért nem sírtam el magam az ebédnél. A rántott csirke nekem is, Mihálynak is ízlett, csak Julcsa nem tudott enni, hiába rakta tányérjára nagymama a ropogós szeleteket, ő csak nézte bánatosan Mihályt. Ha Julcsa így nekibúsulja magát, akkor mit szóljak én? Nem szóltam semmit.
Ezen a délutánon nem kártyázott velem senki, este pedig hiába kerestem Julcsát, hogy fektessen le, nem volt sehol. Mihály se jött be hozzám, hogy szokása szerint mesét mondjon, mielőtt elalszom. Ez volt életem első álmatlan éjszakája, ekkor éreztem első ízben, hogy egyedül vagyok a világmindenségben.
Másnap délután mintha semmi sem történt volna, leültünk Mihállyal kártyázni a jól fűtött konyhában. Kezemben a lapokkal ezt kérdeztem:
- Kit szeretsz jobban, engem vagy a Julcsát?
- Téged.
- Hát a Julcsa? - faggattam féltékenyen.
- A Julcsa?. . . A Julcsa, az a feleségem - felelte közönyösen. Hangjában volt valami, ami engem tökéletesen megnyugtatott. Julcsa nem vetélytárs többé. Megértettem, mi az a feleségül vevés.
Néhány nappal későbben úgy fölmelegedett az idő, mintha a nyár visszaszökött volna.
- Gyele, menjünk át az Angolpalkba - javasolta Gyurika.
- Parkba - javítottam ki az r betűt, mert a javaslatot elfogadtam.
A kapunál megtorpantunk. Nem lehetett bemenni. Magasra nyúló létra állt ott, tetején egy bácsival, aki szedegette le a baba nagyságú betűket.
- Mi az? - kérdeztem ijedten. - Nem lesz többé Angolpark?
- Park lesz, de nem angol - hangzott a magasból a felelet.
Gyurika még nem tudott olvasni, de én meg tudtam állapítani, hogy tényleg csak az első öt betű kerül le helyéről, a PARK kegyelmet kap.
- Miért nem angol? - faggattam tovább az idegent.
- Ez is azért van, mert megölték a trónörököst - felelte türelmesen a létrás ember.
Gyurika szó nélkül sarkon fordult, mintha megértette volna az összefüggést. Azóta is nemegyszer tapasztaltam, hogy a jelenségek közti kapcsolatok felismerésében lemaradok a férfiak s nem csupán a háromévesek mögött.
Ez a létrás ember különösen titokzatosnak tűnt. Mert mi az, hogy „is"? Jó, a trónörököst megölték ezt már hallottam, hiszen jó ideje egyébről sincs szó a felnőttek világában. Nem lesz Angolpark? Lesz más, csak még nem lehet tudni, miféle szó kerül az „Angol" helyébe. De miért mondja ez a létrás ember azt, hogy „is"? Mi minden következik majd még ezenkívül abból, hogy megölték azt az unalmas trónörököst?
Csakhamar megtudtam. Amint néhány nap múlva megpillantottam Mihályt új arany gombos ruhájában, kackiásan félrecsapott sapkáján piros rózsával, azonnal gyanítani kezdtem, hogy ez megint valami trónörökös-dolog.
- Hábolúba mész ? - kérdezte Gyurika Mihálytól, mert ő nem is gyanakodott, biztos volt a dologban, olyan biztos, hogy hozzá is tette: - Gyele vissza.
- Visszajövök - ígérte Mihály. — Egész biztos, hogy hamarosan visszajövök.
- Mikol? - türelmetlenkedett Gyurika.
- Mire a falevelek lehullanak, itthon leszek - hangzott a felelet, mely csak előttünk volt ismeretlen, Mihály olyan gyakorlottan hadarta, mint aki nem először idézi.
Gyurika gyanakodva nézett föl a fákra, bizony a falevelek szaporán szállingóztak, pedig szellő sem rezdült, mely lendületbe hozta volna őket, hullottak azok maguktól, mert ennek itt volt az ideje. Könnyen lehetett volna Mihályt füllentésen érni, de ez egyikünknek sem volt szándékában, ehelyett csak ennyit mondtam:
- Ne menj el.
Gyurika ritkán adott nekem igazat, de most ezt tette.
- Maladj itthon.
- Jó. Itthon maradok - hangzott a felelet megnyugtatásunkra.
Mihály valóban itthon maradt néhány napig. Ez idő alatt már el is hittük, hogy a veszély elvonult, minden marad a régiben. Amíg aztán egy reggel Julcsa jelent meg ágyamnál, kisírt szemmel sürgetett, öltözzem, mert elkésünk.
Hideg volt ezen a reggelen, nagyon hideg, Julcsa vastag kabátot adott rám, meleg sapkát, amelyet csak a városban szoktam viselni, amikor havazik. Most nem hó esett, hanem csak eső, de az olyan súlyos és piszkos volt, mintha nem is az égből hullott volna a földre, hanem fordítva.
Julcsa meg én dideregve tápászkodtunk fel a kocsira, a két hátsó ülésre. Nagyapám ült a bakon az ostorral, gyeplővel kezében, és egész úton hallgatott. Még a lovakhoz sem szólt, nemhogy hozzám. Új, ismeretlen úton haladtunk. Csöndesen vacogtam a sírdogáló Julcsa mellett.
Óriási épülethez érkeztünk. Csupa üveg, vas, korom. Rengeteg ember, valamennyiben Mihályt véltem fölfedezni, mert ugyanolyan ruhát viseltek, mint ő mostanában, s a sapkájukon is ott a virág. Hosszú sor kocsi állott az épületben, azon túl is, a szabad ég alatt, látni sem lehetett a végét.
Még sohasem láttam vonatot. Végre megtaláltuk Mihályt, az egyik vasúti kocsi lépcsőjén ült, és cigarettát sodort. Sapkáján virág. Minden kocsi fel volt virágozva. És minden ember. A virágos emberek hangosan nevettek, énekeltek, örültek valaminek. Az általános jókedvben sehogyan sem értettem, miért sír a Julcsa, és miért olyan szigorú nagypapa ábrázata.
Mihály egyszerre csak megpillantott bennünket, s a tömegen keresztülvergődve hozzánk sietett. Átölelte Julcsát,
aki úgy sírt, mintha megverték volna. Türelmetlenül vártam, mikor kerülök sorra, de előbb nagypapához fordult, aki hosszan rázogatta kezét, alig akarta elengedni. Valamit mondott is neki, de szót sem értettem belőle, pedig magyarul beszélt. Végre hozzám lépett, fölkapott a levegőbe, magához szorított és megcsókolt. Éppen olyan dohányszagú volt, mint nagypapa. A sapkája mellé tűzött virágról arcomba csepegett a víz, a virág is cigarettaillatú volt. Aztán óvatosan letett a földre, és megint csak ezt mondta:
- Visszajövök. Hamarosan visszajövök.
A vonat sikítozni kezdett. Sorra felkapaszkodtak rá a virágos emberek, alig fértek el rajta. Volt, aki már csak a lépcsőn kapott helyet. Körülöttük asszonyok, gyerekek tolongtak, és integettek a virágos vonatok felé. Mihály egy vonatablakból dugta ki fejét, körülötte csupa virágsapkás ember integetett vissza felénk, aztán valaki elkezdett énekelni, utána többen csatlakoztak hozzá, egyszerre pedig mindenki énekelt:
- Nesír-jatok budapesti lányok, vissza-jövök még-hoz-zátok, valaha, valaha, vagyso-ha. . .
A hosszú vonatsor éktelen sivalkodásba kezdett, ettől nem hallhattam a körülöttünk szorongó tömeget. Csak arcukon lehetett látni, hogy sírnak, hangjuk beleveszett a vonatzajba.
A vonatsor meglódulva elindult.
Elindult virágosan, zsúfoltan, fütyülve, prüszkölve, fújtatva, nyögve, lomposan és közömbösen. Már nem lehetett megkülönböztetni Mihály arcát a többiekétől. Aztán már egyáltalán nem lehetett emberi arcot látni, csak lobogó zsebkendőket, virágos sapkákat, végül pedig már csak füstöt és kormot.
A tömeg sírt, Julcsa bömbölt, nagypapa orrát fújta, én meg nyitva felejtett szájjal bámultam az esetlen vonatállat utan, mely a ronda pofájával úgy elnyelte Mihályt, mint Jónást a cethal, amint azt nekem egyszer éppen Mihály mesélte elaltatás céljából.
Erre a cethalra gondoltam este az ágyban, de ezúttal nem tudtam tőle elaludni.
Így lépett életembe a történelem, hogy soha többé onnét ki ne lépjen. (...)
Nagyapám napról napra dühösebbnek látszott. Haragudott az egész világra, mely tétlenségre kényszerítette. Ezt nem szokta meg. Unalmában káromkodott, felváltva magyarul és németül. A német szöveget, anélkül hogy értettem volna, megjegyeztem, le van kottázva a fülemben:
„Derslágzoltreffendi gance svejnerej."
A magyar nyelvű káromkodás viszont Gyurika tetszését nyerte meg, különösen a jelző, melyet nagypapa a „háború" főnév előtt emlegetett díszítésképpen. El is ismételte, harsány megvetéssel, midőn nagymama egy tányér sárgarépa-főzeléket tett eléje.
- Kulva sálgalépa... - mert még mindig nem tudott megbirkózni az r betű kiejtésének nehézségeivel.
- Kitől hallottad ezt a csúnya szót? - rémüldözött nagymama.
Gyurika szigorúan nézett rám, nehogy eszembe jusson nagypapára árulkodni.
- Magamtól találtam ki - vállalta hősiesen.
Ennyit a történelmi háttérről.
Észre sem vettük, s a háttér az előtérbe nyomult. Kezdődött azzal, hogy Mihályt elnyelte a vonatcethal. Ekkor már sejteni lehetett, hogy valahol háború van. Folytatódott a tánciskola megszűnésével, s azzal, hogy a jól fűthető Erzsébet körúti lakás helyett a Hermina úti faházban kellett telelnünk. Fáztunk kegyetlenül, különösen én, mert a „szaletli"-nek nevezett külön épületben egyáltalán nem lehetett fűteni, márpedig nekem itt dolgom volt, gyakoroltam. Nagypapa ugyanis egy rozoga pianínót helyezett el ebben a szaletliben. (...)
Ez még mind csak háttérnek nevezhető, de az már nem, hogy egy napon apu is megjelent katonaruhában, kardja is volt, ami Gyurikát igencsak érdekelte, ilyet ő is szeretett volna.
- Azt már nem! - tiltakozott nagypapa. - Mire te megnősz, addigra már nem lesz háború, sem itt, sem sehol a világon. Egyszer talán majd megjön az emberek esze.
Ezzel nagypapa tévedéseinek száma egyről kettőre szaporodott.
De azért beleegyezett, hogy a Hermina úti gyorsfényképész megörökítse hároméves unokáját katonaruhácskában, apró karddal az oldalán, félrecsapott csákóval a fején. A kép most itt van előttem, üveg alatt, keretben. Nem fogott rajta az idő. Mintha tegnap készítették volna a felvételt a legmodernebb géppel. A kisfiú ünnepélyes arckifejezéssel, szigorúan, bátran néz a lencsébe, mint aki tudja, hogy a háború nem tréfadolog. Bal keze a kardon.
Nagybátyám is behívót kapott, de rövidlátása miatt megúszta. Csak szemüvege tört össze, más egyéb nem.
- Untauglich - mondta nagyapám szégyenkezve, de megkönnyebbülten. - Bárcsak te is rövidlátó volnál, vagy legalább sánta - mondta apámnak.
A nagybácsi úgy örült saját fogyatékos látásának, hogy odahaza is ügyetlenül csetlett-botlott, mindennek nekiment, eltúlozva a dolgot, hadd lássák, nem gyávaságból tartja magát távol a becsület mezejétől, ahogy a csatateret gyengéden elnevezte. Nehéz volt elképzelni, hogy az ellenség megfutamodjék előle.
Hogy az ellenségnek esze ágában sincs megfutamodni, sőt ellenkezőleg, meg akarja nyerni a háborút, erre akkor még nem gondolt senki. Én sem gondoltam ilyesmire. Biztos voltam a győzelemben. Megerősített hitemben életem első olvasmánya egy falragasz. Óriási betűk voltak rajta, mindegyiket ismertem már. Minden utcasarkon ez a plakát virított, a megtanult betűkkel: BELGRÁD ELESETT... (...)
A Roheim-villa mellett néha elsétáltunk nem kis megilletődöttséggel, mert hallottuk, hogy ott nagy dolgok történnek. A háború mellett nem sétálhattunk el, de egy alkalommal közel került hozzánk. Két gyerek jött látogatóba nagypapához. Akkorák voltak, mint Gyurika meg én. Egy kisfiú és egy kislány, csak életkoruk cserélődött meg, a fiú volt a nagyobbik, a kislány Gyurikával egyidős. Mindketten fekete ruhát, fekete cipőt, harisnyát viseltek. Még sohasem találkoztam velük, de a nagypapa ismerte őket, egyik zenész barátjának gyerekei voltak.
- Miért vagytok feketében? - kérdezte tőlük rémülten.
- A papa elesett a hábolúban - felelte a hároméves kislány Gyurika ismert beszédhibájával és derűs mosollyal.
Nagymama sírva kapta ölébe a kislányt, Julcsa a fiút halmozta el szenvedélyes csókokkal. Nagyapa olyan tisztelettel bámulta őket, ahogyan még soha senkit. Az utcáról bejött egy sereg ember, ünnepelték a két kis gyászruhást, s ezen a délutánon az Angolparkból is többen átjöttek a hírre, hogy egy hősi halott árvái jelentek meg Tóni bácsinál. Selyemcukor, nápolyi szelet, sósperec került elő, végül pedig díszkíséret vitte át a két gyereket az Angolparkba, amelyet immár Nemzeti Parknak neveztek.
Szerényen, mint akiket az ünneplés nem illet meg, mi is utánuk kullogtunk, miközben én hideglelős büszkeséggel gondoltam arra, hogy minket is így szeretne, sajnálna mindenki, ha apu, isten ments, elesne a háborúban.
Fekete ruhában nem csupán gyerekeket látni, felnőttet is egyre többet, főleg nőket. A férfiakkal más a helyzet, ők kevesen vannak; többnyire katonaruhában, kezükben bot vagy mankó, nemegyszer úgy, hogy csak egyik lábuk érinti a földet, a másikon a nadrágszár üresen, feltűzve tanúskodik arról, hogy viselője hős. Ha két lábon járnak, akkor viszont a kabátujjuk lóg üresen, esetleg mind a kettő. Nem! Ezt ne! Apu ne járjon igy, inkább ne szeressen, ne sajnáljon minket senki! Apu ne járjon így!
Apu nem járt így. Másként járt, de mi ezt sokkal későbben tudtuk meg, amikor már hazajött a Jendrassik-klinikáról, ahol a sebesülteket ápolták, gyógyították. Szerencsére nem gyógyították meg túlságosan, s így nem kellett visszatérnie a frontra.
- De azért apa is hős - nyugtattam meg Gyurikát, aki látványos rokkantságot, mankót, ilyesmit reklamált. Egy kis tüdőlövés nem imponált neki, mert az nem látható.
Nem sokat értettem az első világháborúból, majdnem olyan keveset, mint a másodikból, de abban megegyezett a kettő, hogy a történelem minduntalan beleszólt magánéletembe. Akkor is beleszólt, amikor látszólag semmi köze nem volt hozzá.
Gyurika szűnni nem akaró betegeskedése emlékezetemben összeolvad a fél füllel hallott hadijelentésekkel. Még most sem tudom a két jelenséget a realitásnak megfelelően szétválasztani. Nem mondtam le a megfejtés lehetőségéről, megfélemlített képzelődés-e, vagy fantáziálgatásomon kívül is összefüggés található a két szerencsétlenség között? (...)
Gyurika iskolába járt mar, de a háború csak nem akart véget érni. Mindenki várta, ő leginkább. Szörnyen unta a sok betegséget, lázmérést, inhalálást, ágyban maradást, s anélkül hogy indokolni tudta volna, miért, a háborút tette felelőssé mind a maga, mind az emberiség szenvedéseiért.
- Sovány vagy, mint egy kis giliszta - sírdogált nagymama.
- Háborrú! - felelte harsányan ropogtatva a meghódított rr betűt. - Háború után majd kövér leszek, nagymama. (...)
Egy forró júliusi reggelen a szederfa alatt ültünk, és Mihályról beszélgettünk. Hol az ördögben marad olyan sokáig, igazán hazajöhetne már. Levelet sem ír, hír sem érkezik felőle. Itt a Városligetben sokkal többet gondolok rá, mint a városban, mert ez a liget, különösen a Diogenész kertje, hozzátartozik, nehéz elviselni Mihály nélkül. Minden reggel itt ülünk a szederfa alatt, Julcsa is velünk van, és természetesen Mihályról beszélgetünk. De ezen a reggelen nemcsak beszéltünk róla, hanem végre hír is érkezett felőle. A postás hozott egy csomagot, s letette Julcsa elé.
- Biztosan ő küldte - kiáltottam -, Mihály! Bontsuk ki.
Nekiláttam, hogy kibontsam a csomagot, mert Julcsa úgy megijedt tőle, hogy mozdulni sem bírt.
Semmi különöset nem találtam a csomagban, csak mindenféle meleg holmit, melyeket még a télen Julcsával együtt adtunk fel a postán, harisnyák, lélekmelegítők, ilyesmik. Aztán rengeteg sok levél, egy üres pénztárca, zsebóra meg az én fényképem. Julcsa hozzá sem nyúlt a tárgyakhoz.
Gyurika azonban talált valamit a holmik között, ami megnyerte tetszését. Ez egy aranyérem volt, szép, színes szalagon, fehér selyembéléses fekete bársonytokban.
- Ez a tied - mondta Julcsának, és szertartásos mozdulattal nyújtotta át a kitüntetést. - Csak ne bőgj! (...)
Egy reggel arra ébredtünk, hogy Julcsa szívettépően zokog a gyerekszobában.
Mihályra gondol, tűnődtem elmélázva, s magam is sírva fakadtam. De Julcsa meglepő hírt közölt velünk.
— Meghalt a király — mondta fuldokolva.
— Jé, meghalt a Ferencjóska? - álmélkodott Gyurika.
— Tessék, itt az újság. Benne van. Fekete gyászkeretben.
— Nem is tudtam, hogy rokonod volt.
— Honnét veszed, Gyurika, hogy őfelsége, a király, rokonom volt?
— Mert hogy olyan nagyon siratod.
— Ő a mi jó királyunk volt.
— Ez is benne van az újságban?
— Benne.
— Az más. Akkor csak sirasd.
Julcsa keservesen megsiratta a jó királyt. Egész nap jajveszékelt. Még este is, mikor lefektetett bennünket, szorgalmasan szipogott.
Gyurika vigasztalni próbálta.
- Nagyapa azt mondta, hogy most majd megkoronáznak egy másik királyt.
- Azért mégiscsak nagy baj, hogy meghalt a jó király!
- Nagyapa azt mondja, sokkal nagyobb baj, hogy meghalt a Mihály.
Julcsa ijedten bámult ránk.
- Nagyapa. . . ezt mondta ?
- Ezt.
- Bizony ezt, én is hallottam - siettem tanúskodni.
- Mit mondott még?
- Kiről?
- Hát a... Mihályról.
Gyurika szó szerint idézte nagyapa szavait:
- Hogy meghalt a király, arról a Mihály nem tehet, de hogy meghalt a Mihály, arról tehet a király.
- Ezt mondta?!
- Szóról szóra ezt. Öcsi nem hazudik - vallottam magam is.
- Rólam nem mondott semmit ?
- Nagyapa?
- Persze hogy ő. Mondott rólam valamit?
- Mondott.
- Mit?
- Nagyon dicsért téged - kedveskedett Gyurika. - Azt mondta, hogy te egy dumme gánz vagy.
- Ez mit jelent?
- Nem tudom.
- Te sem tudod? - fordult felém Julcsa.
- Én sem. (Pedig tudtam, csak nem akartam hízelegni.)
- Igazán megtanulhatnátok már egy kicsit franciául nagyapától, olyan szépen cifrázza.
Ezzel aztán Julcsa napirendre tért a történelmi esemény fölött, és a nemzeti gyászról több szó nem esett. (...)
[Forrás: Székely Júlia: Valahol háború is van. Két regény. Szépirodalmi Könyvkiadó, Budapest, 1982 / részletek a Nagyapám tévedett c. regényből]
Székely Júlia (1906–1986), író, zongoraművész, rendező, tanár. Kodály és Bartók tanítványa. Zenetörténeti témájú regényei – ő írta meg többek között Bartók Béla életregényét – népszerűek. Háborús élményeit két regényben örökítette meg (Nagyapám tévedett – Valahol háború van).
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